Rushing our Childhood

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I will be the first person to say that I absolutely rushed my childhood way too much. I remember always asking my mom if I got mail and getting excited when I did get something. But let’s be real, as a kid when you get mail that means Grandma sent you a birthday card and there’s probably money in there. As an adult, mail is not exciting. In fact I hate mail now. It means someone wants something. And usually it’s money that I dont have. Yeah, the roles have swapped havent they. -_- 

The fact is as a child I spent everyday wishing I was older and had more responsibilities …now as an adult I spend everyday wishing I was a kid again with no responsibilities. Vicious Cycle, No?

Now don’t get me wrong, there are some things I enjoy about being an adult. I do enjoy the adventures and being able to make my own decisions and basically do what I want. But unfortunately there is a lot of things I want to do but cant, because they cost money. Money I dont have and money that when I earn it will need to go towards some bill. Yeah, being an adult is super fun! Sometimes.

Now working hard and being able to accomplish things and buy nice things with the money I earned from my hard work feels great but in a way we had that as kids too. It was called chores. Many kids are given a list of “jobs” and are paid for them. Now how is that any different? It’s not! Except the fact that kids dont have rent or car payments. They generally blow their money on candy or toys.

I miss my innocence. I had no idea how corrupt the world was. My brain was so innocent to the hatred and hurt that surrounds us. Sure I was bullied a little bit as a kid but at the end of the day, I look at those people now and they haven’t done anything with their life. So who won? ME! I didn’t spend my life trying to be better than everyone. I spent it being proactive and making myself better then those that hurt others or rely on others to take care of them. I am an independent woman and I’m damn proud of that. 

As a kid we had so much time to just play with our friends. I remember waking up at like 8am and wanting to call my best friend to see if he could play. But my mom always made me wait until 10am which made me so mad. So I’d wait. As soon as the clock hit 10 I was on the phone and not 10 minutes later I was out the door and running down to his house to see what adventure was in store for us that day.

That’s another thing …I could play outside with my friends when I was a kid and not worry about being kidnapped or harmed in any way. The only thing I had to watch out for was trees and hills to make sure I didn’t fall off them or run into them. I knew I had to be home by dark and if I wanted to stay and eat dinner with my friends I had to call and ask. It was just that simple. Now I have a 4 year old step daughter and I would never let her go play outside without an adult out there with her. {not to say I was playing outside by myself at 4, but if my step daughter was older I still wouldn’t let her go out alone} It’s just sad.

We spent to much time as kids trying to break the rules and push the boundaries that we didn’t know how quickly it would be gone and how shitty being an adult really can be. I wish I could go back for just a few days and be a kid again. Worry free and just living. Those were the days!

We truly need to stop “running with scissors”

 

Thanks for being a part of my journey,

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4 thoughts on “Rushing our Childhood

  1. I completely agree with you – all children are waiting for the next step of life, rushing their lives along, instead of stopping to smell the roses. I am not like you, though. I don’t miss being a child. There’s a few things I miss from childhood, like not having bills to pay, and being able to play as soon as I get home, but I don’t miss it as a whole. I don’t miss who I was then. You may think “well you were a child then, you were probably just a more innocent, less mature version of yourself…” But, I was more anxious then. When I was in elementary school, I literally wouldn’t say hi back to people because it stressed me out so much. And those 8 am phone calls? I just waited for someone to call me.
    These days, though, I find myself still waiting for the next step. Waiting to get the next job where I will be able to afford life better, or waiting to pay of this bill. It’s not quite the same as wanting to be older, but I’m still looking forward rather than embracing what I have right now.

    • I definitely understand what you mean. After I lost my dad when I was 8 to murder I would almost daily sit at school and work myself up so much that I would give myself a fever just so I could go home. I didn’t want to be away from my mom and I felt so alone. I hid from everything. It’s taken me a long time to realize that as a child once I started moving on, if you could call it that, I hid those emotions and fears. They say that sometimes when people experience a tragic event that their trauma is pushed out of their memory as a survival mechanism. I feel that in a lot of ways I did that. I didn’t accept it or acknowledge it in any way until I was about 22. Even when I look back now my childhood memories are blurred in many ways. It’s weird.

  2. I agree…there’s something to be said for the carefree days of childhood. One thing I miss the most is my parents though…I think of something they said or did daily. As I get older I also see why they did the things they did or why they made me do things a certain way. It could anger u when you’re young, but now I’m glad they did those things as it made me a better, stronger person that I now pass on to my children. It is sad that our kds will never know the joy of something as simple as during yo
    ur bike to the corner market for candy. But…when u have your own kids you’ll also see there can still be a lot of joy in the world…life is about balance. Don’t let the ugly in life steal ur joy:)

    • It is definitely going to be a different world for my children then it was for me. I already see so much of that with my step daughter. It drives me nuts that all she wants to do is sit and watch Sponge Bob all day. I want her to be outside and enjoy it. We try to take her out as much as we can but it’s 50/50 on how she’ll accept it. It’s just crazy to see the difference. There were so many great things i was able to do as a child. I wish my children could experience those same things.

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