So much more than a New Years Resolution …

I guess we can call it a life resolution.

I’ve generally always been one of those “New Year, New Me” kinda people. But something about this new year just doesn’t have me feeling like that. These past few years have been increasingly difficult and depressing. I could write a seriously intense book of my life and only include the past 3 years ….it would be quite a read.

This past year (2014) I came to terms with a lot ….I attempted to restore my marriage only for it to blow up in my face. I accepted the fact that my marriage was over and I would never have my fairy tale. (Get married once, be together forever) …I learned to accept that I was in an abusive marriage. Though sometimes it is still hard for me to really say it out loud. I picked up my things and I left. No warning, no plan ….just the knowledge that I had to do it or it would be the end of me. I struggled, and still struggle to find my stability. My own path. I’ve been blessed with amazing friends who have put a roof over my head otherwise I’d be God knows where right now. But that experience alone broke me. At 28 years old I was 18 again …venturing out into the world alone. I was in a new state where I really didn’t know anyone …I had nothing but my dogs and some of my belonging. I managed to build a new life …or at least started to. I dated. Failed. Made new AMAZING friends. I fell apart several times but got back up. I met someone, was able to let my guard down more than I have in a long long time ..was able to feel what it felt like to fall in love again; to some extent I suppose. Of course that ended as it always does …me broken hearted. Lucky me it happened 2 days before the new year. I guess I’m glad it happened then so I can start off the new year knowing the truth instead of being wrapped up in a lie.

But so be it ..here I am …January 1 …2015

It started out differently than I had expected but that’s ok.

Now everyone is posting their new years resolutions. I am just not feeling it. I want this year to be something great and different then the last 3. But I don’t think narrowing my goals down to 1 year is going to cut it. I want to change my life not just my year. So thus ….my life resolution …

In no order….

1- Get back in the gym. I’m sick of feeling fat and out of shape. I want to be able to look in the mirror again and smile being so proud of my hard work and the pay off.

2- Learn to love myself. I’ve tried this over and over and never been able to figure it out. But I need to. I have to.

3- Rid myself of negativity. Sure I’m human it happens but I need to learn to focus on the good and let go of the bad or stressful.

4- Forgive those that have hurt me. I tend to hold onto things which in the end just causes me more pain and anger. I need to learn to just forgive and let go …but never forget.

5- Go on adventures. I live in a big state that is so new to me and has so much to experience. I want to get out and see it all. Have fun new experiences, meet new people!

I guess thats kinda the most of it. Sure it looks like a list of new years resolutions and take it as you may. But these are things I want to start today for ME ..for MY life …not for the new year. These things will hopefully carry far beyond 2015.

Now to be honest I really dont have the motivation for any of this. It’s not like I’m all gungho about it …its just something I know I have to do if I am ever going to have a life that I am happy with…. if I am ever going to be truly happy!

So for you “New Year, New Me” types …Heres to 2015

For those of you who are in my boat ..Here’s to life …

Thanks for being a part of my journey,

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30 day Goal. It’s a start.

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So I’ve come to realize that I do a lot better if I start small and work my way through it. When I give myself a long term goal that is more than a couple months out I just stop caring or trying. So I decided that I am going to make some small goals to truly attempt to succeed at in the next 30 days.

1- Learn the 4 main chords on my Guitar. I got Em down. (anyone who plays knows thats not really hard but hey it’s a start)

2- Work out at least 3 days out of the week. I’m sick of felling like a hippo!

3- Keep blogging daily

4- Get more items posted to my Etsy shop. (I keep saying I’m going to get scarfs up, I really need to do that)

5- Skype with some of my dearest friends who I havent talked to in awhile and I miss so dearly! I keep saying I’m going to but I havent done it!

For now I’m going to start with the basics. All of these are things that are so important to me and reaching my ultimate goal of pure happiness and living my life to its fullest. My friends and family are my world and I truly need to focus on getting those bonds back. I’ve let them slip over the past few years and it makes me sad. I also need to focus on me and making myself happy with myself. I’m sick of spending 45 minutes just trying to find something to wear because I am so unhappy with the way I look. It’s getting out of hand. Time to get my shit together! 

I challenge you all to make a short list of goals for your next 30 days. One small step at a time can make a world of difference. 

 

Thanks for being a part of my journey,

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In 10 Years

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Ok first lets realize a couple things …

10 years ago it was 2004.

            I was 18 and graduated High School. 

            Facebook was STARTED

            The final episode of FRIENDS aired …I’m still sad about this

            Janet Jackson Superbowl Wardrobe malfunction

             Brittney’s 55 hour marriage

             oh yeah, and we were all freaking out because gas prices jumped over $2 a gallon -_-

oie vay. Where the hell has the last 10 years gone? All of this feels like it was only yesterday. I mean come on now. This is crazyness. I can honestly say I dont really remember then where I thought my life would be now…. but I think I’m pretty on track …a little behind but doing good all in all. I know I thought I’d be married {check} …graduated from college {check} …working my career {umm ..getting there} …..have kids {I have a step daughter and hopefully my own soon enough} but hey 50% isn’t too bad considering. I’ve been thought a lot and done a long in the last 10 years thats for sure. 

I spent 5 1/5 of them living in gorgeous San Diego which was a dream of mine when I was in high school. I met some amazing people and some not so amazing people. I made some of the best friends I could ever imagine and tragically had to say good bye to some as well. I got my Bachelors Degree and will be heading into a Masters program at some point this year. I now live in Tennessee ….yep until I met my husband this whole Tennessee thing was never even a thought. But I’m definitely happy to be here. In December 2012 I bought a brand new 2013 Dodge Dart! I definitely never thought I’d be buying a brand new car. All in all these past 10 years have been a whole lot of fun! 

Now for the next 10 …… eek!!

            It will be 2024

            I’ll be 38 …oh hell no!!!

            Definitely hope to have kids of my own. If I dont then something is wrong.

            My husband will probably have a heart attack because his daughter will be 15, starting to drive {and probably dating uh oh}

            We may still be in Tennessee. But who knows. We may be back in Cali or somewhere else. Anythings possible.

            I’ll definitely have bought another new car by then

            I’ll have my Masters Degree and possibly some others and definitely have found and established my career

I am not looking forward to getting older and at this age it’s when adulthood really seems to be kicking in and it’s no more playing around. Of course it’s important to still have fun and enjoy life. But fun and enjoyment are different then they were these past 10 years. It’s just a weird change. I’m still not really used to it. But all I see in the next 10 years is growth and advancement. I know there will be some hard and sad times. But that is life. I’m definitely looking forward to all the fun, new and exciting things that will happen in these next 10 years! 

 

Thanks for being a part of my Journey

{remind me to look at this in 10 years}

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My Favorite Quote {James Dean}

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This quote has been a favorite of mine since I was in high school. James Dean was pure brilliance both in his acting and his words. He was also quoted saying “Only the gentle are every really strong” ..another brilliant quote … as well as “The gratification comes in the doing, not in the results.” Brilliant!!! This man was absolutely genius …though an awkward man he was beyond talented and inquisitive.

Why do I love this quote? I feel it’s absolutely self explanatory. Because James Dean said it  ….DUH!! Ok I am totally kidding. Though the source is a bonus. 🙂

This quote means so much to me because it is a quote that I repeated to myself a million time when I was going through a hard time or trying to accomplish an end goal. It has pushed me to live my life to the fullest and reminded me that tomorrow is never a guarantee. I think it is great to have 1 year, 5 year and/or 10 year goals. But if you are not living today to accomplish that goal than what good is the goal at all?

This quote to me says dream big and live bigger. No dream is too big or too extravagant and every day is precious.

I have lost many loved ones in my life to things ranging from murder, to accidents, to suicide. Each of them I think about every day and I wish I had spent more time with and had a chance to say good bye. I fault myself sometimes for not doing that because I could have if I had only made the effort. It is important to live as if I may die today otherwise I am only letting my life slip away. And who is to say that an hour from now is guaranteed? I have never lost a loved one to a natural cause. It has always been unexpected and tragic.

Dream Big and Live Bigger …cherish life every moment of every day and never give up on your dreams no matter what!!

 

Thank you for being a part of my journey,

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The Power of Positive Thinking

{{new plan. Daily picture with the daily post. what do you think?}}

Anywho …

As a child I was very attached to my Father. I looked up to him, I admired him, I grew up to mirror so much I saw in him. I am truly the perfect mix of my Mother and my Father. It’s weird. haha Having lost my Dad when I was only 8 years old, I managed to hold on to several memories and lessons. One thing that my Father told me that I always remembered and think about often was …

If you think it and believe it, then that is the result you are going to get.

I’m sure I was throwing some sort of tantrum when he told me this {I was a very spoiled child to say the least}. But as I grew up and started to see all the things I didn’t see as a child, I realized that my Dad was absolutely right. A positive mindset leads to positive results just as a negative mindset will lead you into darker places.

My Mom told me the other day that I was wise beyond my years. I truly don’t think I am. I think I was just blessed to have two bad ass parents who taught me some awesome lessons.

However, in my life I have seen some dark places. I went through years of really bad depression and to be honest even today there are days where I fall back into that place ..I have flashbacks of those traumatizing times. But, with a lot of support and determination I was able to pull myself out of that hole and start to see things in a new light. I realized that if I took those bad situations and stopped letting them control me that I could then learn the lesson that was hiding behind them. I still wonder “Why Me” sometimes but at the end of the day I know that everything that happens to me is truly a lesson to learn and help me grow.

It’s the same with goals and bucket lists. I say I may never do these things because of time and money or whatever but the reality is, I know somewhere in my head that if I truly want it …I’ll do it. It’s about making it happen instead of making excuses as to why it cant or wont. 

If you want to go to the gym and lose 50 pounds …DO IT! Dont make excuses or try and think of all the reasons why you may not be successful. SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!!! Just get off your hind end and do it. Simple as that.

 

Now to take my own advice -_-  

Thanks for being a part of my journey,

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