Fake it til you make it?? ….No

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Why are people so judgmental? So assumptive? So conniving? So ….outlandish?

I’ll be honest; I do jump to stereotypes from time to time. Then again, I am a walking stereo type. Black hair, piercings, tattoos, dark makeup (when I actually do my makeup haha) …so yeah I have fallen to the standard of stereotype. “She must be a party girl, she must be a drinker or trouble maker. She’s gotta be the “bad girl” ….I’ve heard it all at this point.

I mean lets be real, sure I absolutely LOVE Avenged Sevenfold but 9 out of 10 times when I’m jamming out in my car with the stereo turned up …it’s to Katy Perry! Sure I enjoy a drink or two with my friends but going to the bar and getting wasted every weekend is absolutely not my thing anymore. I ran that course and I’m just not into it. I am a sit at home with friends or family or someone special and just relax and enjoy the company kind of person.

But the reality is ..I am absolutely none of those stereotypes that I have been labeled with before. I am actually a very gentle hearted person (as long as you don’t unleash the bitch ..because she’s DEFINITELY in there). I am the type of person who would give the shirt off my back to help someone. I enjoy going out of my way to help people in fact; especially my friends and family. The people I care about are my priority …not myself.

But then you get the people who on the outside look like they would be the nice boy or girl next door but in reality they are the ones talking behind everyone’s back and causing issues. They are continually in the mix when a problem arises. Why would you want to be that person? I hate drama. I can’t stand people who are not honest and real. It makes me crazy! People will respect you more for simply being you and being honest. Be real! No one likes people who are fake and untrustworthy or manipulative. No one can be a better version of you …only you can do that!

I don’t think I am better than anyone. I just know that I am better than I was yesterday.

We all have our flaws and we all have our days. But who are you in the bigger picture? Are you someone you can be proud of? Are you someone you would be honored to call a friend, a significant other, a son or daughter? Would you be your friend if you were someone else? I mean REALLY think about that. Would you rather be falsely liked for all your lies and the characters you play or honestly loved for just being yourself?

I’ve been both. When I was younger, before I had discovered who I was as a person and what I wanted out of life, I played those characters. Part of that was also because I was harboring a lot of pain and anger. But after losing friends, discovering who my real friends were and learning ways to deal with my inner “demons” …I found myself and can honestly say that I am proud of the woman I have become. There is always room to improve and room to grow. We learn new things every day and we are constantly changing. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make those changes for the better!

Just be real. Just be YOU! Everything else will fall into place one short day at a time.

 

Thanks for being a part of my journey,

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Misconception of a person

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So the big thing right now is the ABC show “The Bachelor.” Now I personally love this show and I don’t think I’ve seen anything from the bachelor, Juan Pablo that makes me think he’s a bad person or whatever. {and no this whole post is not going to be about the bachelor …just read} But, there has been many reports from the girls that he is a fake, self centered, not taking this seriously …this that and the other. Now this is where I get confused…. last night was the “Girls Tell All” episode and we truly got a mix of opinions. Some girls were upset and felt that they had been played, lied to and disrespected. Other girls were still heartbroken and confused, some girls admitted they did have very serious feelings for him but have since moved on. Then Andi {shown above} stated that she truly was falling in love with him but after a night alone with him she lost those feelings. Now the question stands …did some of these girls simply have a bad experience due to lack of connection or whatever it may be and now they are misconceiving who Juan Pablo is as a person …OR is he really this person and the other girls just aren’t seeing it?

Honestly I dont know the truth none of us do because none of us know him. But I can honestly say that until I see something substantial then there is no opinion for me to gather. For many years I fell under the misconceived category. Everyone looked at me and assumed I was a party girl, slept around and was a complete bitch. Well a bitch yes …but only when I needed to be and everything else they thought was absolutely NOT accurate at all. In fact during the periods of time where I was really judged a lot, I was still a virgin and sure I drank a bit but it was with my friends on the weekends. I wasn’t getting wasted every day like people assumed.

But it was simply to make the assumption. I had {still have} long black hair, wore dark eye makeup and had a punk/rockabilly style. I was very unique and stood out in a normal crowd. My friends were all older then me and drank a lot …they were of age so they could. People ASSUMED things about me because of the way I looked and the way I defended my friends and didn’t take crap from anyone. But when they got to know me they quickly realized their assumptions were far from the truth. Now as I’ve gotten older my style has calmed down a little. It’s not as ….dark. But it’s still my own. I really dont know what people think of me when they see me now but I know it’s a lot different then it used to be.

There was even a time where I was harassed by a CHP officer for 45 minutes …he did multiple DUI tests all of which I passed with flying colors. He accused me of being on drugs multiple times even though he had NO proof. In fact even to this day I have NEVER touched a drug. Not even marijuana. I have no desire … never have. I later found out that this guy was a complete douche and was known for harassing women. But still, he made these accusations and assumptions because of the way I looked. It was ridiculous and he’s lucky I didn’t have his job because of it!

Having people assumed these things about me did upset me a lot. I wasn’t trying to give off that “look.” I was just trying to be myself, be who I was comfortable being. I was comfortable with my dark hair and makeup {still am} …I was comfortable with my punk/rockabilly clothes and creeper shoes {look em up if you dont know what they are haha} ..I loved my bright red lip stick and 3 length belt chain. I wore it every day! That’s who I was comfortable being. It didn’t mean I was a slut or drug addict. It didn’t mean I was a bitch and couldn’t be a friend! The fact that people thought those things so much is what caused me to change my look. I’ve become comfortable with the person I am now as far as my style. But it’s not who I used to be and it wasn’t a change I made by coincidence. It was a change I made because I didn’t want to be stereotyped in those ways anymore. It upset me and made me feel like no one would ever get to know me for who I was.

The fact is, we assume things about people a lot without every getting to truly know someone. I’ve done it. I’m not innocent. But after my experiences I truly try not to. I try to get to know someone for myself before I decide what kind of person they are. Because I’ve let go of stereotypes, I’ve made some great friends of all different styles. If I had stayed closed off and naive I would have never gotten to know them and it would have been my loss. We need to open our minds and close our eyes. We need to stop being so judgmental when we have no facts…. stop reading a book by it’s cover. If you do this you will open your world to so many new possibilities.

 

Thanks for being a part of my journey,

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